Relationship Advice 3
by Kellouka2
Summary: Beck and Jade aren't a couple anymore. And they aren't the most appropriate people to tell you what to do for a proper relationship. But they are the best to tell you what NOT to do... Humor. Rated T for minor coarse language. Bade arguing.


__**Hi! Another one-shot. I think it would be really cute if Beck and Jade would actually do this... But I'm not Dan... :( Besides, if I were Dan, Beck would beg on his knees for Jade... ;P Whatever... Enjoy! :DD**

**~Kelly~**

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_Relationship Advice #3_

"I can't believe we're actually doing this!" Jade exclaimed angrily, as she sat on a chair.

"Well, it was a good idea. You should thank Tori." Beck replied as he was preparing the camera for shooting.

"For what? For making me do a video for the with you?" She shouted at Beck.

"Okay... First of all, stop shouting. Second of all, we are gonna help people save their relationships with this video."

"Well, who helped us?" She told him bitterly. Beck stopped and sighed. He shook his head and continued fixing the camera. They were in the Black Box Theater. She was sitting at the couch and looking at him preparing the camera.

"Ready." He muttered and took a seat on a chair next to Jade. He turned the camera on and said, "Hey there!"

"Hey." Jade replied bitterly. Beck rolled hei eyes and looked at her.

"Can you please be more polite?" He asked her calmly.

She shrugged. "Okay... I guess I can." She muttered.

"Good." He turned to the camera. "So, we decided to make a video with relationship advice._"_

"A different video with relationship advice." Jade added.

"Since we're not the right people to tell you what to do to keep your relationship..." He started.

"We're gonna tell you what not to do to be with your boyfriend or girlfriend for a loooong time..." Jade continued smiling.

"Great. So, I'm gonna tell the guys what to do so they won't make their girlfriends sad."

"Yeah, right... Tell them Beck, so they won't make their girlfriends sad... I think you're the most appropriate person to do that." Jade commented sarcastically.

He sighed and looked at her. "Really? We said no fighting now... Besides, I've learned through my mistakes. I'm gonna warn them not to make the same mistakes a did. Happy now?"

"Yup." She chocked out and looked down. She slowly took a deep breath and reaised her head. She looked at the camera and stated, "I'm gonna tell the ladies what to do in order not to lose their boyfriends."

"Yeah... Believe me, you'll learn from the best." Beck added.

Jade looked at him with her usual I-am-gonna-kill-you expression and inhaled slowly. "Right. Like I'm the one who is responsible for our break-up." She muttered.

"I didn't say that... But you helped pretty much." Beck replied, looking at her bitterly.

"Oh, c'mon! If you weren't so selfish we could have made it!" Jade shouted angrily.

"Really? Oh, really? So, you think that it's my fault now?" Beck asked her irritated.

"Oh, don't be silly..." She muttered. "Of course it is!" Jade added sarcastically.

Beck sighed and looked at the camera. He bit his lip in order to stop himself from answering to his ex-girlfriend and announced,"So... I guess we're ready to start."

"Sure." She muttered.

"Okay... Hey, guys? Do your girlfriend a favor and never forget to call her on her birthday. She'll kill you if you're not the first one to wish her 'Happy Birthday'..."

"I wouldn't actually kill you!" Jade interrupted him.

"You said you would!"

"Oh, c'mon! I wanted to scare you!"

"Well, you made it." Beck stated.

Jade rolled her eyes and said to the camera, "Whatever! Girls! I'm talking to you now... Leave your boyfriends alone. Probably they want their space... To flirt with other girls, to cheat on you... It's natural, don't be upset. Just do the same..."

"Wait. So, you have cheated on me?" Beck asked her.

"Maybe." She chocked out.

"What? What 'maybe'? Have you cheated on me or not?" He asked her again.

"Of course not! I'm not like you!" She exclaimed irritated.

"Girls, don't listen to her. He doesn't probably cheat on you if he wants you to be more relaxed..." Beck stated, looking at Jade.

"Or he's a jerk who wants you to be calm and relaxed, while he's cheating on you with every slut meets at the school."

"Jade! If you girls think so, maybe you're super jealous and you don't trust your boyfriends. This will end up badly, I'm serious."

"Oh yeah?" Jade asked him angrily.

"Yeah!"

"So, yeah?"

"I said yeah!"

"Okay then..." She mutterd and looked down.

Beck rolled his eyes and stated, "Well, guys... Ask your girlfriends what do they like and don't make them any surprises 'cause they'll find a reason to complain about. Trust me."

"Never trust him." Jade interrupted him.

"What? Why? I'm in charge for the boys' advice. So, do me a favor and shut your mouth."

"You DID NOT just tell it."

"Maybe I just did."

"Quit telling me what to do! I'm not your puppet!" Jade shouted irritated.

"Stop shouting!"

"Stop ordering me!"

"I'll stop ordering you when you stop screaming!"

"I'll stop screaming when you stop ordering me!"

"I'm not gonna negotiate with you!" Beck shouted.

"You just shouted." Jade stated calmly.

"And you just stopped shouting." Beck added softly.

"I guess you're good now." Jade announced.

"I guess we are." He agreed.

"Where were we before we started fighting?" Jade asked him.

"Um... Oh yeah! I was telling the boys not to make any surprises to their girlfriends because girls don't like surprises. They're gonna start judging your choice and finding reasons why they hate the whole place."

"Oh yeah, right. And I was telling that it's not sure that the girls will hate the place. If you take them to a place you know they love, everything is gonna be fine." Jade added.

"Unless you have a girlfriend like Jade, who thinks cemeteries are the best place for a date." Beck argued.

"What's wrong with cemeteries? They're silent and peaceful..."

He chuckled. "Yeah... Rest In Peace... This kind of peaceful."

"What's your problem about cemeteries?" She asked him.

"Oh, nothing! Nothing at all!" He replied sarcastically. "They're only super creepy... But that's nothing, right?" He added looking at the camera.

She sighed. "You know... You don't have to be always sarcastic..." She told him.

"I'll be sarcastc if I wanna be sarcastic." Beck stated. "And I don't think a cemetery is the right place for the first date, or an anniversairy date." He commented.

"Why not?"

"Because normal girls don't suggest a graveyard for a date!"

"Oh! So now you're saying I'm not a normal person?"

"Yes I am!"

"I think we should get back to the relationship advice!" Jade shouted looking at Beck.

"I think we should!" Beck agreed looking at Jade. They both stopped and took a deep breath.

They looked at the camera and Jade said, "Dear girls... Don't let him be friends with other girls... Or maybe, don't let him be friends with girls you can't hurt, like celebrities..." She paused and looked at him with an expression full of hatred. "And, please, do NOT ever believe him when he says 'We're just friends with her'... IT'S A LIE!" She shouted angrily.

"It's not always a lie! Maybe you should trust your boyfriends sometimes..."

"Don't! C'mon Beck! It was obvious you were relieved when I broke up with you! I let you free to go out with that slut without hiding!"

"Jade..."

"What? Did you have fun with her?"

"Jade..."

"I mean... She's hot... But she wasn't like me, right? That's why you took me back?"

"Jade!"

"What?"

"Nothing happened with Alyssa! Why don't you understand this?"

"Because it was obvious something happened!"

"Stop it!"

"Why?"

"Because there's no point in talking about that right now!"

"Right..." Jade muttered and turned to the camera. "What else...? Um... Oh! I got it..." She paused and cleared her throat. "NEVER do the thing 'I'm gonna count till 3 and you're gonna stop shouting' with your boyfriends... It works perfectly with babies, but it sucks with boys..." She stated.

Beck sighed. "Yup. It doesn't." He added. He shook his head and continued. "Never hang out with your friends more than your girlfriend. She'll think you're cheating on her, even though your friends are all boys..."

"That's not true..." Jade commented.

"You thought I was dating Andre behind your back! Are you serious?"

Jade chuckled. "Well... You preferred going to his house to watch a football game than going out with me at the cemetery!"

"You wanted us to go to a cemetery again! You know they freak me out!"

"Why do they freak you out? Besides, we're all gonna end up at a cemetery..." Jade stated calmly.

Beck frowned. "Exactly. I want to go there when I'm dead. I don't like going to cemeteries for fun."

"Whatever. The fact is that you preferred Andre instead of me. What would a normal person think?"

"That I didn't want to go to a cemetery!" Beck exclaimed irritated.

"No! A normal person would think that something is wrong with you! You wanted to spend time with your friend, who was a boy, instead of your girlfriend!"

"Jade! I can't believe we're still talking about it! I'm not gay! I just want to spend much time with my friends, too!"

"Okay... Besides, I don't care now..." Jade muttered.

"Good." Beck replied. "Girls, let me give you a piece of advice..." Beck exclaimed.

"Oh! So now you want to give advice to the girls? Okay Beck... That means a lot of things..." Jade muttered.

Beck rolled his eyes and said, "Leave your boyfriend have his personal space. Be with him, of course you should be with him, but let him spend some of his free time with his friends, his family..."

"That means that he depends on his mother a lot."

"What?"

"Or that he's gay."

"Jade! You know... Most guys need some to spend some time with their friends and family!"

"Whatever!"

"Anyway, do you have a problem with gay people?" Beck asked her.

"Of course not! I only have problem with gay people when it involves me! And, by the way, what is that red thing on your camera?"

"It shows that it's recording..." Beck answered.

"No... The other light... which is winking..." She replied.

"Oh... That means that the battery is turning low..."

"Well... Then we should probably st-" The camera shut down and interrupted her. "It cut me off." She stated and looked at him.

"So?"

"Beck! It cut me off! Do something!"

Beck sighed and approached the camera. "Bad camera! Really bad camera!" He shouted to his camera. He turned around and looked at Jade. "Happy now?"

"Very funny." She commented.

Beck chuckled. "What do you want me to do?"

She sighed. "I really don't know..."

Beck smiled. "Well... We're done here. I'll upload it tonight. Happy?"

"Tori should be happy." Jade muttered and stood up. She grabbed her bag and said, "Bye."

"Bye." He replied and watched her as she exited the Theater.

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**Here it is! I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please REVIEW! **


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